Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
