Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
