I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Come see our sink grown plant.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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