The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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