where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just google imaged poop.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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