Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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