i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
