fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
