When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
