I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
