I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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