omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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