You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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