Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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