thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
how does that bad decision feel?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
