ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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