he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
