tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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