i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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