Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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