the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
