remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Plan B is the new Plan A
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
