I'm so fucking centered right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
