I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
