did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
COCAINE IS GR8
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
