My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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