Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
