I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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