There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
