So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
