Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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