she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
only you would photoshop your dick
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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