so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
