I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
