What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
