honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
