dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
