Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
