So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
