Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
