I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
