New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
