that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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