I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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