If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
