You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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