I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
