i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
