Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Success! We fucked roommates!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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