I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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