just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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