Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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