Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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