You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
