Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
