Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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