I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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