Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
