I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
