I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
