I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize