they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
tell me about the eggs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
