Jerry, you need to find god
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
