I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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