I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
