It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
