how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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