Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
