Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
