girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
