her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So vagazzling was a success
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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