Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
