He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
