dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
