You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
