I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
