yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wear drunk well.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
