literally had 100 drinks last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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