you win again, gameday.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
