shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
