Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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