if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
