Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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