Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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