OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
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i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize