i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
