You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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