I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
